00:40 Qarg'ishga qolgan qiz | |
 Men sizlarga bir qizning afsus va nadomatlarini hikoya qilib bermoqchiman.
<< Meni qarindoshlarimiz va yaqinlarimizning hammasi yomon
ko`radi. Garchi o`zimga aytishmasa-da, shunday hisoblayman. Dunyoda
sendan nafratlanadigan kishilar orasida, har laxzada joningni o'rtab
turguvchi vijdon azobi bilan yashashdan ortiq iztirob bormikin?...Eng
yomoni,bunga boshqalarning emas, o`zing, faqat o`zing sababchi
bo`lsang!...To`qqiz yoshimgacha o'tgan kunlarimni entikib, sog'inch bilan eslayman.chunki o'sha kunlar - beg'am,betashvish, beg`ubor damlarim edi. Hammasi uyimizga mehmon kelganidan boshlandi. Tog`amning akam tengi o`g`li biznikiga keldi. Bu paytda akam bog`da ishlab yurgandi. Kutilmagan mehmondan shoshib qolgan onam ovqatga unnashga ulgurmadi. Ayni tushlik payt, hamma tushki ovqatga kuni kecha dadamning mehmondorchiligian ortgan sho`rvani ichgandik. Akam esa bo`g`dan kechqurun kelishi kerak edi. Mehmon sabab, uni chaqirib keldik.Chunki dadam ishga ketgani uchun uyda yagona erkak akam bo`lib qolgan, qolaversa, tog`avachcham ikkisi qalin og`ayni edi. - Ona, mehmon och ekan, men ham ochqaganman, tezroq boron nima bering,- dedi akam. - Aksiga olib, tuxum qolmabdi, qovurib berardim. Bir pas kutsanglar biror yengilroq taom qilaman, - dedi onam. - E, yo`q, ovqatlanib bo`lib bog`da ham ishla, ham hangoma qilamiz. Sho`rvadan qolmaganmi? - Bor. Lekin sen birovdan ortgan ovqatni ichmaysan-da o`g`lim. Shu fe'ling nozik-da? - Hozir ichaveraman. Yaxna go`shtdan solib yuborib, vassalom! - akam shunday deb mehmonning oldiga chiqib ketdi. Onam shorvali qozonchani elektr plitaga qo`yib dasturxon tuzatishga ketdi. - Bu paytda men oshxonada edim. Opalarim biri uzatilgan, biri soy bo`yida yalpiz terishga, yana biri kutubxonadagi ishiga ketgan, men esa maktabdan kelib onamga yordamchi bo`lib o`tirgandim. Onam bilan akam sho`rvadan gap ochishganidayoq ichim shuvillab ketdi. Chunki... Boya mehmon kelmasidan oldin onam: << Ovqatdan ozgina ortib qoldi, olib qo`ysak, bu issiqda kechgacha ayniydi, shusiz ham kechadan beri teribdi, kechga kuchukka berarmiz>> degandi. Bu gapdan men hovliqib,yaxshilab-tuyib maydalab qo`yganim shisha parchalarini sho`rvaga aralashtirib yuborgandim. Uni jinimdan battar yomon ko`radigan, yaqinda tuxumdan chiqqan dum-dumaloq jo`jalarimizni naq to`rttasini yeb qo`ygan kuchugimizga bermoqchi edim. Buni onamga ayta olmadim.Yomon qilig`im va yomon yomon niyatim uchun dakki yeyishdan cho`chigandirman. Bola aqlimbu ishim yaxshi emasligini, buning uchun butun umr ta'naga qolishimni fahmlamabdi. Yana o`ylabmanki:<<Moshxo`rdadan jichcha tosh chiqsa, darrov sezishadi, buniyam sezib, yemay qo`ya qolishadi...>> Afsuski, ikki og`ayni onam g`ira-shira oshxonadan suzib borgan sho`rvaga non to`rg`ab, suxbatga andarmon bo`lib, kosaga qaramayancha-muncha yeyishibdi.Dastlab tog`avachcham sezibdi. Tishida g`ichirlagan bir nimalarni olib ko`rishga mezbondan andisha qilibyeyavergan ekan, kosa yarimlaganda qoshiqda qon yuqi bor emish... Akamni dadam: <<chaynamay yutasan, yov quvayotganlar ham senchalik shoshib yemaydi>>, deb urushardilar. Xullas akam tog`avachcham ogohlantirganida kosani bo`shatgan ekan. Ikkisini shifoxonaga yotqizishdi. Tog`avachcham tuzalib chiqdi. Ammo yarimjon bo`lib qoldi. Lekin akam… onam va dadamning to`rt qiz ichida yolg`iz o`g`li, go`dakligidan ko`p kasal bo`lib kuydirgan, sog`ligi nozikligi uchun ham o`qishga ketmay yonimizda qolgan akamni shu fojiadan keyin ikki kun o`tib, tuproqqa topshirdik… O`shanda yaqinlarimning dod solib yig`lagani, onam bilan dadamning <<mening go`rimga kirgan bolam, kimning qasdiga qolding?>> deb nola chekkanlari hech xotiramdan o`chmaydi. Buni qarangki, <<qasd qilgan>> odam sifatida dadamdan, tog`avachchamdan va bir qancha kishilardan shubhalanishdi. Ular bir qancha vaqt tergovga qatnashdi. Musibat ustiga tashvish dadamning sochini qorga bo`yadi. Asl aybdor – men o`zim iqror bo`lmadim, bu voqealar dahshati tilimni bog`lab qo`ygandi. Odamlarning o`zlari haqiqatni bilishdi. O`shanda onam umrida birinchi marta qarg`adi, meni yomon qarg`adi: <<Iloyo juvonmarg bo`l, akasini qotili bo`ladigan bu qizbi tuqqan kunimga lanat!>> Men esa o`shanda qilmishimdanko`ra ko`proq onamning qttiq muomalasidan qayg`urdim… Vaqt ko`p narsalarga davo. Lekin ko`ngil yarasiga, vijdon azobiga davo davo bormikan?...Qo`shnilarimiz qarindoshlarimiz o`g`il uylantirganda, to`yga aytib kelganda unsiz yig`laydigan onam, ellikka kirmay xassa tayangan dadam hozir yorug` dunyoda yo`qlar. Ikkala opam <<akamiz uylansa, yangalik bo`lib uzatilardik>> armoni bilan uzatilib ketishgan. Men esa qishloqdan o`qish uchun chiqib ketgancha shaxarda qolib ketdim. Ishlayman toppish –tutishim yaxshi… ammo qarg`ishga, uvolga qolganim uchunmi, baxtim ochilmayapti. Olilasi but, akasi himoyasida yurgan dugonalarimga havasim keladi. Ko`cha- ko`yda akamga o`xshagan yigitlarni ko`rsam, ko`zimga yosh tizilaveradi. O`zimni, kuchukka shisha siniqlari qo`shilgan ovqat berishni o`rgatgan sinfdoshimni kechira olmayman. Eh, qani endi umrni ortga qaytarishni iloji bo`lsa, o`sha mudhish kunni, xatoni aslo takrorlamasdim..>> | |
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